Republicans Set to Nominate Big Brother in '08
It has learned that Republican party officials have already agreed on the party’s nominee for the 2008 U.S. presidential election. In a bit of a surprise, political unknown Big Brother will be their candidate.
“Americans can depend on Mr. Brother to protect their freedom and keep them secure. He will continue and even expand the important programs President Bush has implemented such as the Patriot Act and the NSA’s telephone monitoring and electronic surveillance schemes to ensure the safety and freedom of the Homeland”, a party spokesman said.
“We are certain our citizens will feel safer and more secure knowing that Big Brother is watching them,” he continued. When asked about concerns civil libertarians have raised about Brother’s proposed enhancements to President Bush’s programs, the spokesman said, “We feel sure that all patriotic citizens will understand that if they’ve done nothing wrong, they have nothing to worry about.”
In a sign they are serious about the ‘08 nomination of Big Brother, the U.S. Senate’s Republican majority passed Senator Arlen Specter’s National Security Surveillance Act, a “compromise” solution to the NSA’s electronic surveillance program that will make court oversight of electronic surveillance voluntary. This bill is expected to “grease the wheels” for Mr. Brother’s planned security and “freedom-protection” enhancements to the nation’s laws.
Your reporter has also been told that, as part of an effort to streamline the information U.S. citizens receive and eliminate the confusion caused by multiple, conflicting sources, Brother proposes to consolidate U.S. media sources under one central entity. More details on this will be forthcoming when Mr. Brother’s platform is finalized and his campaign kicks into gear, but rumors say the central media organization will be organized around Fox News Corp. and be known as the “Truth Ministry”.
A campaign slogan has also been decided on. One that party officials feel captures the spirit and promise of Big Brother’s hoped-for election:
“Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. War is peace.”
Mr. Brother
“Americans can depend on Mr. Brother to protect their freedom and keep them secure. He will continue and even expand the important programs President Bush has implemented such as the Patriot Act and the NSA’s telephone monitoring and electronic surveillance schemes to ensure the safety and freedom of the Homeland”, a party spokesman said.
“We are certain our citizens will feel safer and more secure knowing that Big Brother is watching them,” he continued. When asked about concerns civil libertarians have raised about Brother’s proposed enhancements to President Bush’s programs, the spokesman said, “We feel sure that all patriotic citizens will understand that if they’ve done nothing wrong, they have nothing to worry about.”
In a sign they are serious about the ‘08 nomination of Big Brother, the U.S. Senate’s Republican majority passed Senator Arlen Specter’s National Security Surveillance Act, a “compromise” solution to the NSA’s electronic surveillance program that will make court oversight of electronic surveillance voluntary. This bill is expected to “grease the wheels” for Mr. Brother’s planned security and “freedom-protection” enhancements to the nation’s laws.
Your reporter has also been told that, as part of an effort to streamline the information U.S. citizens receive and eliminate the confusion caused by multiple, conflicting sources, Brother proposes to consolidate U.S. media sources under one central entity. More details on this will be forthcoming when Mr. Brother’s platform is finalized and his campaign kicks into gear, but rumors say the central media organization will be organized around Fox News Corp. and be known as the “Truth Ministry”.
A campaign slogan has also been decided on. One that party officials feel captures the spirit and promise of Big Brother’s hoped-for election:
“Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. War is peace.”
Mr. Brother
posted by RocketJam at 10:23 AM
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